Tuesday, November 3, 2009
When you cut it loose, you already decided your choice...
Hey!! HEhe so many things have happened.
Good & bad.
My birthday was on Sunnyday! & i really thank everyone who wished me a happy birthday!
Especially those who remembered. Hehe. :)
I had a wonderful birthday. Maybe even one of the best birthdays i've ever had.
Compared to last year, it was definitely better!
Thanks mumsy for making it up. Thanks for making me so happy on my birthday.
But something else also happened on my birthday.
Which will definitely affect me a lot.
Today some people talked some sense into me, & i believe it is best for us this way.
It's the first time i actually cried in front of friends. Cos whatever they say hit me so hard in the heart.
I don't know why, but when i actually really used my head to think about it, i realized something that i didn't want to believe.
I was the only one wanting to hold on to this relationship. & now that it's gone, i feel like i'm the only one who actually feels so miserable.
I'm just wondering how long it will take for me to forget everything.
Since he can be so firm, why not me?
I put in so much time & effort, now i'm really tired. I can't think of anything else other than, i'm tired of doing everything. I am REALLY tired!
& if he can throw me off his list of priorities, then why am i treating myself so badly?
Every girl deserves the best. I'm not saying he treats me badly. It's just that, he is giving up on me. He doesn't even put me as his top priority.
It really really sucks for me. I want to get over it. I really want to. I cannot take all this sickening feelings everyday. It is so painful.
If he wanted to be with me, he wouldn't have left me in the first place. He would have took the initiative to talk to me already.
Now i realize. I realize i am no longer the one he wants to hold on to. It's ok if i am gone.
wth while i'm typing this, i feel like crying my eyes out.
It's funny how it took 32 months to keep us together, & just one day to ruin it all.
I can't be a smart alec anymore & think of ways to get back together.
there's nothing i can do anymore.
Once a guy makes up his mind, it's done. How do guys get over this kind of things?
I told myself that i don't want to be like those other girls who can't give up, can't get over it. I really don't want to be so overboard.
I am not a strong person. I will falter.
But no matter how hard the wind howls, the mountain cannot bow.
I will not torment myself with these thoughts. If he wants to cut us off, so be it.
Cos it sucks. It really does. I just don't know why.
Sucks to be me. Haha. & i can't throw memories away. Deleting photos & stuff, i can't do it. I'm not an independent person, in case you haven't realized. Seems like even going on holiday couldn't keep us together.
How did we stay with each other for so long?
This is like, the last time i can think of all the good stuff with him. :)
at 7:21 PM
♥♥♥
