Thursday, April 30, 2009
I never thought people i loved would be the biggest disappointment in my life...
Let's just say i'm not the happiest kid on earth right now.
I feel really really moody & tired & stressed & everything.
Why is it people i put in effort for always end up being the ones who hurt & disappoint me the most? Why the f did i even care? I just want everything to turn out right.
Ever since mum left for melbourne, everything's been spiralling into a really big huge tornado-size mess.
Everything seems to be disappointing me & it's making me feel like such a freak.
I go to school everyday this week feeling like such a fakey, since i am really dealing with many things at home. The laughing & laughing in school numbs everything going through my head though but it would be so much easier if i had a better hold over my emotions.
Yesterday i called mum & complained & cried while talking on the phone. I miss her so much & wish she was here to help me.
I haven't got any housework done since it's really all useless with people not respecting my house & giving me problems.
I hate going home everyday & try to stay out as late as possible. But there's really nothing to do outside. I only look forward to school, where all the fun seems to drown out the frustration that's driving me insane.
No support, no pillar of strength to rely on. Boyf isn't really a v supporting person & just adds on to everything wrong. I try so hard to do everything right but sometimes it seems i'm just wasting my time & effort. Everything is, as it seems to be, really useless.
My brother... forget it. What is an older sibling for, really? Don't expect respect from me when you don't give a damn about everything.
God... He's busy i guess.
But i don't hate anybody or my life, just v afraid of many things & irritated............
Another point - red alert yesterday & then major cramps. Couldn't go for stagearts dance audition today & yeah. If i don't get into foreign bodies, i'm gonna be cca-less.
2nd sad point here - My mum told me there's nothing much to buy in melbourne since singapore sells stuff cheaper so she didn't get anything for me. MAJOR DISAPPOINTMENT.
I wish wish wish i could change everything!!!!! URghhhh. It's pissing me off so badly i wanna murder people now.
Hope i stop being so moodless/moody.
at 8:16 PM
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